the future of things.

There are some days when

I feel so stupid for ever coming in second place
I feel alone, and that's okay
I feel alone, and it scares me
I read Milton and feel that my existence means nothing at all
I sit inside the library just to watch the sun set through the endless windows
I am angry at him for trying to replace me
I am angry at myself for letting him
I am relieved that all of it can just go away by erasing a phone number
I am reminded of what I used to have
I remember how I never wanted it in the first place, except when I was 15 and naive
I hear pieces of conversations that make me laugh
I skim short stories that make my chest tighten
I think of my father and all that another man will never be
I fall asleep with a smile
I wake up from bad dreams, scared that my thoughts led me back down the same rode I tried to erase when I erased that number, when I tried to forget
I forget about it
I wish for things beyond my reach and I know, I know it will take so long to get where I want to be
I hope that one day he looks at me and wishes, too
I know that he will look at me and wish because
I am certain that my life will be full of unwritten lines, dark alleyways, pens and pencils, ice cream, green

And I will say

It was all in vain. For everything we did only led me to someone else, only led me to a deeper realization of my true self.

And you will say

I never needed to change. I was all grown up the day we met.

And finally I will be able to shrug this off my shoulders.
I will know I made the right decision.

You are who are you, and since I don't like who you are, I will forget. It will be easy.

Then all of those days when I used to think those thoughts will disappear. That is my prediction.