running through the groves, etc.

It is two o'clock in the morning and the lights are out. I want to shout, but my eyes are closed, my mouth is shut, my ears are ringing. Block after block, the cement fades away.

In front of Hollywood High School, I open my eyes. A large billboard flickers "AP Testing May 5-16." I remember those days, when my mind was preoccupied with other things, other people, other smiles, other plans. Calculus and biology, economics and government. Not English. Not modern loss of meaning and the fragmentation of our culture. Maybe I want to be that innocent.

Maybe I meant to open that old letter. No, I think it was an accident. It was before the days of complicated half-truths and new friends and before I made big decisions that were "best for both of us." Couldn't wait to not miss me anymore. Couldn't wait to smooth my hair and be the one. Nothing in me ever could have realized that those feelings were pure. I envy myself back then. I am jealous because she could have become something - and someone - else. My rock. My purely positive. My you make me feel empty every time we kiss.

Sometimes it's best to let go and run. Or that's what the girl said who isn't sure of anything at all.