4.06.2008

greater than, not equal to.

That morning when we fought, when I threw your bag of things off the front porch and onto the grass outside, when I was shaking violently, that was the morning when your friendship bracelet broke. I should have listened to the symbols. I should have waited. We shouldn't have wasted our time.

Three nights later, I made you dinner. The carrots were undercooked and I couldn't bring myself to eat the chicken. I should have thrown it all away, saved myself some energy.

Should Should Should. I hate that verb. Because by the time you know that you are convincing yourself of reality and not living it, the verb is already should. And should never changes a thing. It just breeds anger and regret. I don't have room for that anymore. No matter what kind of revenge or payback you want to exact, it will never be good enough. Because I don't live in that world any longer.

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