"No, I don't even know your name
It doesn't matter
You're my experimental game
Just human nature
It's not what, good girls do
Not how they should behave
My head gets so confused
Hard to obey"
And there are the lyrics from what seems to be a generation of women's anthem, "I Kissed a Girl." It's interesting because many years ago (oh, let's say, three or four), I probably would have loved the lyrics of this song. On its surface, it speaks to women's liberation from gender constraints and from sexual rigidity. That once would have impressed me. I think most women like the idea that they are fighting against social expectations of their sexuality ("It's not what good girls do," Kate Perry preaches/whines). But, really, are they? This song is simply reinforcing female objectivity. It preaches to the choir of new females who are convinced of their freedom so much so that they cannot see they are simply living by deeply ingrained social rules. Today's woman (at least adolescent and young adult women) truly believe that the women's liberation movement is no longer necessary because they can wear androgynous clothing and make out with girls they don't care about and have promiscuous sex simply because it feels good.
But this is all indoctrination, it always is. Our purchasing of new clothing, our making out with girls, and our sex only benefit the dominant ideology of female subordination. We make out with women for fun because men like it - we may like it too, but men (let me be the first to tell you), like it even more. We have promiscuous sex, become aware of our bodies, simply for the benefit of men. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with becoming aware of your body and your needs and desires. It becomes a problem when women do it because they know it's what their boyfriends want (and, yes, this is exactly what every fucking identical issue of Cosmopolitan magazine makes women believe). That is not awareness. That is a swallowing of media messages that - deep down inside - we can never make ourselves believe until we throw all that trash away and live independently.
For God's sake, can we please sort this out? And please not at the expense of lesbians. Because that's another thing that makes me angry about this song. "You're my experimental game?" Excuse me? What if this woman actually does care about you, actually does want to pursue something with you? No, no, she can't express herself with anything beyond her body because that's not what Kate Perry's "boyfriend" wants to see happening. It's just a disgusting cycle of reinforcing heteronormativity, taking advantage of those of who do not cash in on what straight men prefer.
And as a final addition, I would like to stress that I do not hate men because I think that may be the impression quite a few people get from me (including my father). I fucking love men. But I love me more. We all love ourselves more than anyone else. And I hate to see representations of my body, be they idealized or realistic or real-life examples, being taken advantage of by a hegemonic system of beliefs about sexuality and gender roles (this ideology - in America - is male, white, consumer product-driven and straight. I have not a single doubt about that.) But I will repeat again that I love men, they drive me crazy, and that I couldn't live without them. Even if they do reign supreme on the cultural level, they will always be there on the individual level to worship the women who really matter.
Those women, in turn, will not feel the need to play with other people's emotions in order to vent their sexual frustrations.
8.12.2008
a mom, a dad, a son, a dog, a white picket fence.
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4 comments:
Didn't you get the memo? Bi is the new straight. Making out with guys is so 1999.
*sigh* I have a teenage sister... and I worry. Oh, I worry. Being a girl seems really... hard. As a guy you can always just play into your gender role (even if you aren't terribly good at it) and just coast along.
And I think you'll like this: 'Cosmopolitan' Institute Completes Decades-Long Study On How To Please Your Man
Being a teenage girl is definitely a challenge. It takes a loooong time to figure out that everything you do, think, and desire is somehow influenced by what you see going on around you, and that any rebellion you may try to act out has already been done before.
I think everyone has to realize that though, not just girls.
But the thing you say about being able to play into your gender role, I think women can (and often do) do that too. The only problem is that that is how we end up coasting along as the "weaker" gender. But a lot of women are comfortable with that; it's easy to be. You get taken care of, you are excused for your shortcomings, you never have to inspire anyone or achieve anything.
I'm sure your sister will be fine though. And if she does find challenges, they only define you, make you stronger, and open your eyes to the injustice half the world faces. That's the only way to learn sadly.
Loved the video by the way, thanks!
Interesting analysis. But I do think you're being a bit too hard on Ms. Perry. Sure, her statement isn't perfect, but she's working within an imperfect medium and atmosphere.
Far from promoting heteronormativity, which allows women to sexually interact with each other solely for the pleasure of men, Perry states, "I liked it." She's asserting the power to define her own sexual experiences, and taking that power away from men. Notably, there are no men in the accompanying video, until the very end when she sees her sleeping boyfriend, and his eyes are closed. Perhaps Perry is attempting to replace the male gaze with her gaze? That is quite a challenge to the status quo, particularly in music videos.
Perry goes even further and undermines the social construction of sexual preference - Perry challenges the idea that all of our sexual activities must be tied to some label (straight, gay, bi) in order to goad society into accepting us. Sexual preference, like gender, has no basis in reality outside of society. While you could reduce her actions as "playing" with the emotions of others, I see it as a powerful assertion that she does not feel inclined to define her sexual experiences through societal expectations - including the expectation that sexual relationships must in some way be paired with emotional relationships, or else they are somehow wrong.
One of the most dangerous aspects of sexism is that - in Western society and in its present form - it's totally unspoken. Women don't get passed up for promotions because of company policy, but because of ingrained prejudices within the minds of the individuals who prevent their success. Perhaps feminism is changing along with sexism, becoming more subversive, more subtle in its tactics, becoming equally as difficult to pin down and put a stop to. But that hardly means its ineffective or somehow cowing to patriarchy. It may not be the best way, or our favorite way, but it is a way.
A very nice analysis, Katie. I have to admit that I do like that theory about overriding the male gaze.
I still have a problem with the idea that she is using a woman as her "experimental game." That line is what frustrates me most about this song. Whether or not she belong in a strictly defined category is one thing. But this song makes it okay - even normalizes - the using of other individuals for your own selfish sexual pursuits.
It may sound cheesy, but I watched an interview once between a lesbian woman and a straight woman who would make out with women at bars and clubs, "just for fun." For the lesbian women, though, this was not a game, not a practice in sexual fluidity. These were their lives and their emotions. So making a woman into your "experimental game" is completely distorted. We're back where we started fifty years ago.
And, in the end, the song and video (though I haven't seen it) in themselves are practices in voyeurism. So although the video may not feature men watching her, the video itself is being watched by men and emulated by girls, who, in turn, are being watched by men.
Society worries me. :)
But, yes, thanks for this response. It made me re-think the song.
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