circles.

Lately I've been feeling like my future is going to suffocate me. I keep thinking of how I will have to move to New York to get a job, or at the very least, back to San Francisco. Even though most of my friends are here now. And I also keep thinking of how no matter what I go into, it will be a fight to the top. I'm not so sure I'm ready to spend half of my life clawing my way from assistant to associate to executive. Once I get there, then what? I enjoy it? No, I sit and I hold on for dear life, hoping to keep my job. I don't want that life. But what other life is there? There is so much that I do not know, but there is so little time to learn it. I wish I was an entrepreneur. I wish my daddy gave me a trust fund. Then I would put all of my money into real estate and forget about my future for a while. Instead, I'm on my own over here. I'm just not ready to face any of this.

In addition, lately I've been feeling like my days are so forgetable. I miss last year so so so much. Now, both of my jobs are just a way to pass the time. I never feel like going out anymore, but I want to so terribly. I just want to forget about everything and live last year over again, when I was free and all of my friends at work made my days so much easier. Now all I have is one more day to not look forward to. So melodramatic.

I know I'm just going through a phase. I guess it's just part of your twenties. But I'm tired of thinking about this and I'm too tired not to.