maybe if you remind yourself.

Tomorrow is my last day of classes as an undergraduate. It feels like a hurdle I just need to step over so that I can inaugurate myself into the ways of the adult world.

After spending the last several weeks going through panic attacks and trying to sort out the order of my life goals, I have firmly decided that I cannot wait. I cannot wait to fuck everything up. As Conan O'Brien once said, my biggest liability is my need to succeed. I need to let go of that and embrace the negative, the demeaning, the wonderful and terrible stories I am about to tell.

At this point, I must say that my life is close to flawless. I am graduating, as I aimed to do, magna cum laude with college honors and highest departmental honors. I will be initiated into Phi Beta Kappa next Thursday evening. I am up for a departmental prize for my thesis (which no one will ever care I wrote five years from now or even... tomorrow). I have completed a double-major and I have been involved in the school newspaper, the school's literary magazine, Undie Runs, volunteer work, and have worked several important internships. I have no debt for the next six months. My friends have been supportive and helpful and fun these last few weeks. I have been dating an amazing someone, who every so often reminds me that I am ridiculous, and that I am young and alive. I eat amazing food because I ignore my mounting credit card debt and place it on the table at the restaurant anyway. I spent the afternoon with a puppy.

And I wonder how I will feel to let go of all of my plans and the world I have built up for myself here in West Los Angeles. But I have also decided to stop wondering and let it be. I only have so long to live my life like I don't care what happens tomorrow, and it is my hope that I will not regret that I never made mistakes.