night goes dark.

I blame the lack of updates on the wonder that is winter break. It's my third so far in college, and it has been by far the best. There are, of course, some things which are obviously missing. But any night filled with Trivial Pursuit and/or pho is okay by me.

I have also spent much of this break thinking about my relationships with my friends and how I really don't think I could ever just throw all of this away and move across the country. There is so much for me here. I feel so loved and appreciated and understood all the time. And I'm realizing that, however much I love my friends at school, they don't know me like my friends here know me. That isn't their fault. It's just a simple logistical problem-- they didn't watch me grow up and see me become who I am to become.

Halfway through Portrait of the Artist and have now come to terms with the fact that my writing means nothing. No matter how many times I edit the dialogue or mess with the metaphors, it will never be up to par with anything that has made a difference in anyone's life. So what the hell is the point really?

Anyway, this is all just a lot of useless middle of the night Christmas rumination. It's stupid how much I have on my mind considering I am supposed to be on vacation, but I would really rather not burden anyone else with my endless checklists and life theories.