garden of contemplation.

Last night was such an emotional mess for me. Here is a general play-by-play of my emotions last night:

Awkward... my hair wouldn't curl right
Excited... my hair curled okay and I walked to the pre-party with Rashmi and Wafiqah.
Disgusted... tristan ran out of chasers at his apartment so we had to chase with tortilla chips. not quite the same effect.
Spinny... the vodka kicked in.
Annoyed... a certain someone kept coming onto me.
Outgoing... i met several people i've been meaning to meet for awhile.
Drunk... the vodka really kicked in.
Frustrated... john was being stupid.
Happy... brett and amber showed up.
Angry... john spilled vodka all over my arm
Lost... my favorite sweater (the tan one from ann taylor) has now found a new home, either on the street or on a dirty bus.
Even more angry... john tried to abandon his section and sit with photo.
Ridiculous... i started crying uncontrollably while explaining my anger to John.
Satisfied... i met the other girl from my internship next year, and I really like her a lot.
Even more drunk... i drank more bourbon.
Confused... the following sequence of events is quite muddled in my head.
Un-hungry... the food was delicious.
Sad and cry-y... i saw Melinda crying and I, too, broke into tears uncontrollably. Then the slideshow came on and I couln't hold anything back.
Reassured... Dave and Julie/Mark and Ro are so cute.
Insanely happy... I danced with the cute intern.
Insanely/irrationally upset... this one I will not explain.
Loved... amber and I worked it out. We are so amazing.
Entertained... the dancing continued.
Out of it... the bus ride home is a blur, except for singing Kelly Clarkson and Fergie.
Sad and cry-y x2... John left. Mark and Ro left. Tissue box was passed around.
Nostalgic... all of the turtle rape videos and CJ discussions and editing disasters washed over me at once.
Relieved... john came back, so it was one less person I'd have to force myself to not think about.
Tired... i came home and passed out. Then I had one really weird dream involving my co-workers and another weird dream about an eyeless zombie apocalypse and my friend's ex-girlfriend.
Depressed... i have hit an extremely low point that i can't remove myself from. It's mostly because I have yet to obtain perspective on the last year and it hurts a lot to know that all of these people who I practically lived with for the last year are now going on to start their lives. While I, Carrie Jones, am staying put and watching the world twist without me.