piano keys in the mirror.

Beginning to feel a bit deserted. Maybe things will change when the city gets smaller. If you're not dependent, who are you? If you're not in love, what is your name? Days so long they get colder. Nights loud with crickets scratching and children sleeping and stars bursting open and letting their white vanilla soy milk fill the black sky. Stripes on stripes. I regret the day I met him. I regret losing my self confidence. And in those days long closed, we'd fly down hills on skateboards and laugh when we fell. Let's laugh when we fall down. Let's fly so fast we forget where we are. Those whispers in the back of the car, those awkward fumbling movements when you said "never change." Never change, he said. Listen to you. Why, is it because? Close the door, it's cold outside. Close it and lock it and leave. He'll never come back anyway. Torn in pieces, I lied to the other one. That's how I see it. This one cost me money, cost me my job and my conscience. I never really felt much, just a substitute for a heart where my first and third had been. Well, my fourth and second. Market and sixth. A long road I walk around the block. I just want a glass without a label. I just want a house with a home. I just want you to change everything and be who I want you to be. I just want everyone else to close the door and lock it and wave good-bye and be who they're not. Silver, gold. I'm mixing them all up now. It's all gone, and while I miss it, I also realize how unnecessary it may be. My body is mine alone. My America, my Newfoundland. Even John Donne couldn't change my mind. I'm filling the space with poetry and theory. I'm filling the space with secondhand experience. If it separates, just let it go.