do it.

I am currently at a job that I hate in order to pay for two months of European freedom. However, having said job has forced me into a sort of existential crisis.

Today, my boss asked me to come in early. I rushed back from the city as fast as I could because she sounded desperate. Then, wouldn't you know it, when I stepped in, the store was quiet and there was no work to be done. I had missed lunch for this.

On my break, I had to run down to Starbucks to get coffee because the little coffee shop across the street was closed, but I still needed something to raise my blood sugar. This took longer than the prescribed "10 minutes" that I'm given.

I get back to the store, smiling and happy with my mocha raspberry bullshit. My boss smiles back at me. I put my stuff down, say goodbye to my drink as I place it in the fridge, and head back out to what is now my personal hell. I approach the front desk and my boss says - sugary and sweet and condescending - "You know that was a 25-minute break, right?"

Um, excuse me? I don't know when you started timing, lady. Was it the moment I stopped thinking like a machine to go on my break? Was it after I last made money for your store- which, by the way is completely disorganized - with my powers of persuasion and cute shoes? She then proceeds to say (after I have argued with her about how, sorry, that wasn't 25 minutes, you insensitive bitch) "You know, you've been taking longer breaks these days anyway." I swear to God, this woman is monitoring my every move. What I do is I take an extra 2 minutes to go to the bathroom after my 10 minutes are up. I don't consider the bathroom to be a break-worthy activity, so I calculate it separately. Apparently, she does not find this amusing.

Then, she finishes our dispute up (because I refused to be put in the position of the bad guy and argued politely with her for a bit) with "Well, we can both agree that your breaks are longer than ten minutes. No matter how you look at it, that's a burden to business."

So I am now a burden to business. Which I think is hilarious when I have the highest sales in the store right behind the 30 year-old, ahem, sales lead, whose job it is to, ahem x2, lead in sales.

My immediate reaction to all of this was anger. I decided that if she thought I was a burden, I would show her how burdensome I could be. But then I turned to determination. I decided I would shorten my breaks to 6 minutes so she would shut her fat trap about it. Then I realized that doing so would make me a tool. A machine. A nothing. And all this is is a summer job. And I think she takes this whole thing way too seriously.

I would say my conclusion is I should have gone back to Ann Taylor, which was surprisingly much more laid back than its "casual" counterpart. But, really, this leaves me with a question: Do I improve and become the best at everything in this job or do I just forget it and tell her (nonverbally) to fuck off? Would being the best win me anything at all? Would I even be recognized for my efforts? Would telling her to fuck off be giving into my weakness for 12-minute breaks and a life separate from this 4-week part-time job?

I think I just answered my own question.