branches scattered on the concrete.

Last night, Greg asked me what I'm doing for feminism. What's my part in trying to right the wrongs of gender dichotomies? Well, I'm not exactly sure. Don't you think that other women counteract any progress you make by conforming to everything you fight against?, he presses. Yes. Yes, I couldn't agree more. I also think I have counteracted a lot of my own progress over time, but I have tried very hard to work towards a stronger version of myself:

falling over someone not worthy of my intellect or thoughtfulness, being shallow, subscribing to cosmogirl, reading Us Weekly with my mom, watching MTV every so often (I tell myself it's from a critical perspective, but sometimes I watch for plot points on The Hills), worrying about my future family, making life decisions based on men (we've all done it, but we can promise to never do it again), liking Beyonce, seeing Scarlett Johansson as my early-college idol, laughing a little too hard at that guy's jokes, falling for British guy, falling for co-workers, not writing enough in my diary, and so on.

There is something in me that tells me that all of this is somehow not completely incompatible with feminism, however. How can we reject an entire social setup, an entire cultural foundation and expect to find a suitable place for gender identities in America? Gender upheaval at this point in history is just not going to happen. I try to work hard and make plans that are not based on advertising or the media. I try to make goals that satisfy my own personal ambitions. I write and I write and I write and I hope it makes sense to someone out there. But I think there has to be some line we can create to help us judge when it is okay to conform. Then again, over thinking this whole thing is doomed to be the female condition if we keep looking at it this way. So I will stop here.

And, in closing, I would like to point out that the least feminist thing that any woman can do is to envy and hate other women before knowing them and understanding their circumstances. This does not apply to haters of Angelina Jolie. Does no one remember she is fucking insane? Not a feminist icon, thank you very much.