filling the gaps in my memory.

I came to a devastating realization last night: whatever I thought I felt before, people feel it again. And again and again and again. I want to be naive. I want to feel it once. For one person. Maybe the fact that I am so fiercely determined means that it is unique. It's all one huge paradox. All the sudden, I feel like I have grown up. I don't want to. But is it possible to ever feel the exact same thing about a person that they feel about you? I really don't think it is. This is what James Agee spoke of: the inevitable and intrinsic block between individuals. No matter how close we may be, nature still limits us. No matter how well you may know someone, you still never know everything that goes on in their heads. It becomes easier to guess with time, but you never really know a person. All you have is yourself. This philosophy is devastating. It's depressing and pessimistic. But I have forgotten how to be optimistic. Somehow.