Other things that are interesting: how you can be in love with the idea of a person, but hate who they really are. Like every time you are with them, you try your best to mask your disappointment that they aren't doing exactly what you imagined they'd be doing (which is turning that car around and changing plans). You are angry because they turn your dreams around and skew your perception of perfection.
I am starting to come around to another interesting realization: I have never known love. I have known idealizations and fabricated Disney Channel nightmares, but I have never known love. I think it is interesting how so many people I know have only experienced the same exact thing, but they try to pass it off as something more deep and meaningful. Truthfully, I don't feel as though I'm missing out on much. I'm not ready to compromise my own wants for anyone else at this point, and I know that when I really do fall in love, I will have no choices to make-- everything will be clear. I won't weigh the options. I won't cringe. I can feel the ability in me, I just have not found anyone worth sharing it with.
In fact, I am grateful that I've never been in love. If I had been in love before, it would have ruined the surprise of what is to come. Not only that, if what I had before was love, love would suck.
But, really, at 19, who the fuck cares? Let's go out and go crazy!
12.22.2006
i just can't stop.
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3 comments:
sometimes i get frustrated at the completely idealized version of love that movies show us. but i know that i'm still hoping that i'll actually find something like that, otherwise what's there to look forward to? haha i guess i could always try to be like the women on sex and the city, but even THEY found their annoyingly perfect counterparts. i guess it better this way...we won't get spoiled at a young age. i guess we just have to learn to be patient (something i was never really good at :P). anyhoos, i'm just rambling. merry chrismas (in 6 hours)!!!!
-jen
ohmygosh, jen! i miss you so much! and i agree. tv totally screwed me up. but you're right, i guess perfection is what we all aim for. it's just that most of us settle for the image of it along the way instead of questioning it. i don't know. i have a love/hate relationship with love right now. and merry christmas to you too, ahhh!
i agree. i think a lot of people are just scared, or maybe more like terrified. so they try to build fairytales out of their lives. i feel like a lot of marriages these days are just a cop-out from lives of uncertainty. it's scary that we're supposed to be real people now. we're ADULTS. when the hell did that happen?? is there anyway to undo it?
i NEED to see you soon! :)
-jen
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